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Examples
Grade this Undergraduate essay on the prompt: Are success and happiness interchangeable ideas to you? Answer this question in a brief essay with examples and illustrations to support your position.
College Essay Example PDF JPGs - Prompt_ Are success and happiness interchangeable ideas to you_ - Google Docs page 0.jpg
College Essay Example PDF JPGs - Prompt_ Are success and happiness interchangeable ideas to you_ - Google Docs page 1.jpg

Essay Evaluation

Score: 80/100

Strengths

  1. Clear Distinction: The essay effectively articulates the difference between happiness and success, which is central to the prompt.
  2. Personal Examples: The use of personal experiences adds authenticity and relatability to the argument.
  3. Broader Social Commentary: The references to societal values, particularly around materialism and celebrity culture, strengthen the essay’s analysis.

Areas for Improvement

  1. Structure and Flow: The essay could benefit from clearer organization. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved to enhance coherence.
  2. Clarity and Conciseness: Some sentences are long and convoluted. Aim for more clarity by breaking them down.
  3. Evidence and Support: While personal examples are effective, incorporating additional references or studies could bolster the argument.
  4. Grammar and Punctuation: There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that need revision.

Specific Feedback

Paragraph 1:

  • The initial sentence is effective but could be slightly rephrased for clarity.
    • Correction: “While the ideas of ‘happiness’ and ‘success’ seem related at first glance, I believe they represent two separate categories and different ways of viewing the world.”

Paragraph 2:

  • The transition from the history teacher example to the discussion of personal accomplishment feels abrupt.
  • Consider introducing the example more smoothly.

Paragraph 3:

  • There are a few grammatical errors, such as missing punctuation and run-on sentences.

    • Correction: “Success is often confused with gratification. It’s easy to see how this happens...” (Separate into clearer sentences.)

Paragraph 4:

  • The phrase "we probably should" is vague; it could be more assertive.
    • Suggestion: “We should consider this perspective to redefine success.”

Conclusion:

  • The conclusion wraps up the essay but could reiterate the main points in a stronger manner.
  • Improvement: “In conclusion, understanding that happiness and success are distinct allows individuals to pursue genuine fulfillment, rather than societal approval.”

Overall Suggestions

  • Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
  • Be mindful of sentence length; shorter, more concise sentences can often enhance understanding.
  • Incorporate additional evidence or quotes from credible sources to support your points.

By addressing these areas, your essay could more effectively convey your insights and arguments on the relationship between happiness and success. Good job overall!

Grade this 5th grade essay on the prompt: Write an essay on global warming

Essay Evaluation on Global Warming

Score: 75/100

Feedback:

Overall, you have highlighted some important aspects of global warming and how it affects our environment. Here are the specific areas for improvement:

  1. Clarity and Structure:

    • Your essay could benefit from clearer organization. Consider using distinct paragraphs for each main idea. For example, separate the discussion about recycling from fossil fuels to improve readability. Use topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to let the reader know what that paragraph will discuss.
  2. Grammar and Spelling:

    • "Quite a discussed topic today" can be rewritten as "Global warming is a highly discussed topic today."
    • "Global warming has become a serious threat to our planet." – Clarify what is meant by "serious threat"; this could include specific examples of its impacts.
    • "We need educate our fellow people..." should be "We need to educate our fellow people..."
    • "The vehicles which consume and admit petroleum products should have regular vehicle oil check." should be rewritten as "Vehicles that consume petroleum products should have regular oil checks."
  3. Example Improvement:

    • When you say, "the vehicles which consume and admit petroleum products should have regular vehicle oil check," you might enhance this point with an example of how regular maintenance helps reduce emissions.
  4. Argument Development:

    • In the paragraph about consumerism, clarify how buying eco-friendly products directly impacts global warming. Perhaps include examples of eco-friendly products that you can buy, which would help reinforce your argument.
  5. Transitions:

    • Use transitions between paragraphs and ideas to make your essay flow better. For example, at the end of the paragraph about fossil fuels, you could say, "In addition to fossil fuels, there are other human activities contributing to global warming."

Example of Improved Paragraph:

Original Paragraph: "Also is there the impact of consumerism. The impact of consumerism is an issue for global warming. Increasing for production is the result of consumerisms. The more we buy products such as paper, the more we need in industries."

Improved Paragraph: "Consumerism also has a significant impact on global warming. As people buy more products, industries must produce even more, leading to increased resource extraction, such as cutting down trees for paper. This cycle not only harms our forests but also escalates greenhouse gas emissions. By being mindful of our purchases and choosing to buy only what we need, we can help reduce the demand for products that contribute to environmental harm."

Conclusion:

You have made important observations about global warming and its impacts. By improving the structure, clarity, and support for your arguments, your essay can become even more powerful and persuasive. Keep up the good work!

Grade this 2nd grade essay on the prompt: Write an essay on what is the best animal and why

Essay Grade and Feedback

Grade: 85/100

Strengths:

  • Clear Opinion: You clearly state that you think the best animal is a dog. This is a strong start!
  • Good Reasons: You provide reasons why dogs are great, like their loyalty and intelligence. Great job making your point!

Areas for Improvement:

  1. Spelling and Grammar:

    • Correct the spelling of "smart."
    • "isn't a bomb" should be "isn't a bomb."
    • "a dog is brave" needs a few more letters. Try saying "a dog is brave" instead of "is a bomb in a dog is brave."

    Revised Sentence:
    "They are smart. For example, they can sniff out bombs."

  2. Provide More Details: Your examples are good, but you can add more details to make your arguments stronger. For example, explain how dogs protect their owners.

    Example Improvement:
    Instead of just saying "They are loyal," you could say, "Dogs always want to be with their owners. They protect them and make them feel loved."

  3. Conclusion:

    • You might want to expand your conclusion to reinforce your main idea. A stronger conclusion can have a summary of your main points or a personal touch.

    Revised Conclusion:
    "In conclusion, dogs are the best animals because they are loyal, smart, and brave. They help us feel safe and loved every day."

Overall Impression:

You did a wonderful job expressing your opinion about dogs! With a little more detail and some corrections, your essay will be even better. Keep up the good work!